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A Families Story
St. Clare’s Hospice helps hundreds of patients and their families every year in many different ways. In
this edition of the newsletter, the Mackerill family tell us how their world changed when their father and
husband, Paul, was diagnosed with melanoma. Paul was cared for by our dedicated team of Nurses and
Doctors in the In-Patient Unit. Their story is told by Helen, Paul’s wife.
I met Paul back in 1988
, we started dating and were married in 1995, we became a family in 2001 following the birth
of our first daughter Emily and in 2006 our family expanded further with the arrival of Sophie. Paul loved being a Dad and was very much
the hunter/gatherer, always protecting his three girls.
Paul grew up in the Lawe Top area of South Shields and was a proud Shields lad. He started his own business back in 1996 – PM Joinery
Services and we never looked back. Paul enjoyed being the boss; even though he secretly knew I wore the trousers! He thrived in his
business and would take the girls to school before starting his day at work. He would have jobs all over but he always loved working in
Shields, this soon became a standing joke with people that he would only work in South Shields and needed a passport to go as far as
Jarrow! Nothing was too much trouble for him, I remember once saying I would like a conservatory and weeks later I had one. He hated
being idle in the house and sitting around doing nothing. Paul was also very social; much to my annoyance at times. He loved spending
time with the lads in the Grey Hen; going from the Tuesday club to the Sunday club and ‘any other day I think they could get away with’
club. Paul and I used to like having date nights on a Saturday where we would either put the world to rights on our own or with friends
having drinks and a meal. We used to have ‘Come Dine with Me’ evenings with our friends and the stress to get a 10/10 was brilliant! We
always had a good feed, and they still feed us now.
Things began changing when in 2011, Paul had a mole on his chest which didn’t look quite right; he went to the doctor’s to get it checked
out and was told it was nothing to worry about. The doctor did say to come back if he was still worried. We weren’t convinced with the
advice and six months later he went back. They immediately referred Paul to the hospital where he was checked over, but never in a million
years did we expect to be told the mole was cancerous!
We were devastated at this news, but we never could imagine he may lose his life to it.
Following his diagnosis, Paul had regular check-ups at the hospital every 3 months.
In 2012, he found a lump under his right arm pit and we were told the cancer had spread to
his lymph nodes. We were distraught and he had to undergo surgery to have his lymph nodes
removed. He was off work for 3 months, it was a devastating time with him being self-employed
and only having his sick pay coming in. People don’t realise that when you’re self-employed no one
else pays the bills; it was a very worrying time for us as a family.
After his surgery Paul went back to work, he continued with his regular 3 monthly checks and
over the next few years everything seemed ok… or so we thought.
It wasn’t until January 2015 that Paul started to feel ill again. He was being treated for an ear
infection at the time but he steadily got worse and eventually lost all hearing completely. We had to
communicate with pen and paper. I took him to A&E in the hope that someone, somewhere would
do something. Eventually after a tense 9 hour wait, Paul was admitted to hospital with suspected
Meniere’s disease or metastases of the brain. On the 5th February 2015 I was called up to the
hospital and told the heart-wrenching news that Paul did indeed have multiple brain tumours and
there were too many to operate, meaning his diagnosis was terminal. We were in total shock. We
had the task of telling our daughters that Dad was poorly and he wouldn’t be getting better. No
one could actually believe the news. The situation was made even worse because we couldn’t
communicate with him properly and everything had to be done via pen and paper.
We were referred to the Northern Cancer Centre for experimental drugs, at the time we were willing to take any and every bit of help offered.
He stayed on the experimental drugs for 6 months and was doing well. The drugs actually shrank the tumours. Paul’s hearing was also
brought back to 50% and with the help of hearing aids, he was able to hear our girl’s laughter (and my nagging) again. During July 2015,
the cancer spread to Paul’s neck and down his spine, it is a horrible disease and although he was in a lot of pain he remained very brave.
Paul’s bravery knew no bounds; he took to writing cards out for the girls for their birthdays and special occasions. We organised memory
boxes where we would put in items special to us and photos which were special to Paul and the girls. He wrote us all a personal letter
and we had two teddies embroidered using Paul’s clothes. The letter he wrote stays in the teddies tummy. My youngest daughter,
Sophie called hers ‘Super Ted’ and wherever she goes, Super Ted is always by her side. Paul’s pain was increasing and my friend who is a
district nurse spoke to me about Paul going into St. Clare’s for pain management. We didn’t know you could stay at the Hospice for pain
management and weren’t sure about it, but it meant that Paul had the expertise of the doctors and nurses on hand 24 hours a day so we
decided to give it a go.
People need to be very aware of how serious a change in a mole can be and if you’re
not happy with your doctor’s diagnosis get a second opinion.
